Expedition ... Continues

Deciding the Wrong

2008-04-12T16:51:00.002+05:00

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,

I am “Wrong Decision”. My twin brother is called “Right Decision”. People are usually mistaken in identifying us, as we look so much alike. Right has been the good guy at all times, and I am cursed [It must be because of the names I think]. I was always very impressed by Right’s personality and used to tail him around. People know him; he is blessed, famous and strong, whereas I’ve been the weak one since birth.

Right is an easy going person, or should I say “Happy-go-Lucky”? He always got his way around. He was surrounded by his admirers all the time, I being one of them. What amazed me the most was that he never tried hard. People just knew where to find him and get a share of his blessings. As we grew older, things didn’t change. No they didn’t, only my admiration for him transformed into jealousy. I became aware of what I am [I was Wrong!].

Being inferior struck me hard. I had everything Right had, for God’s Sake, we’re Twins!! I was only shy. I even tried to copy him and pretended to be Right, still the people who ever got around me were the ones there by mistake! They were not supposed to be there, to be with me. The curse on me affected them too, and they had to face the worst of their lives. The instant I got to know the reality, I turned them back.

But they couldn’t see the good in it. Everyone was happy to be with Right, forgetting, if it wasn’t for me they would still be stuck with Wrong! As soon as they realized their slip, they loathed me. How ignorant of them. No one deserves such treatment. And so the world made me choose the other way. I became evil.

I took the advantage of being Right’s twin, altered myself to what was missing and what more could become of me. Never again did I turn anyone back if they came to me unknowingly. I let them suffer of their ignorance, lack of knowledge and misdoings. I learnt how to create illusions, how to make people believe me and how to mask Wrong with Right. I found my type. People continued to make “Wrong” Decisions and my life became meaningful.

You’d be wondering why after a thousand years I am telling you all this. My story isn’t interesting or something to be proud of. I’ve betrayed many, conned many. I am responsible for destroying many lives. Maybe I’d have stayed Wrong all my life [I was content], if I hadn’t met this little girl.

I saw her at the seashore, the place where I mostly find my prey. It was a fine morning. The cloudy weather and soft cool breeze changed my frame of mind and I took off from work. I stood there, watching the waves fighting their way to arrive at the shore [Huh, racing who’ll reach first], and dying as soon as they reached their destination [No one wins!].

She approached me first. She looked troubled and confused, perfect state to get misguided, but I was already not in a mood to notice. ‘I knew I’d find you here, you’re Wrong.’ said she hesitantly. I glanced at her and continued listening to the music of nature, the waves hitting the rocks. ‘I need your help!’ the determination in her voice took me out of my trance and I turned towards her. She was young and innocent. Her eyes had a gleam of achieving the unachievable.

‘How can I help you?’ I asked, indifferently. ‘I need you to support my Decision’.

Work, satisfaction, fulfillment, revenge all was present in front of me, within my reach, but there was something strange about it this time. ‘You said you know me, you must be aware of the consequences too?’ ‘What is the worse that can happen?’ she asked simply. ‘Go away girl! You don’t belong here.’ How could I tell her about the curse, regrets, losses, emptiness, wistfulness, miseries and sufferings she will find this way? I liked her and I couldn’t possibly let her risk it. Unlike others, she was aware of me if not of the outcomes.

This was the first time someone came to me knowingly; what they want and after a long time in my life, I made Decision not to manipulate someone’s vulnerability. I shooed her away and started to walk by the sea. She followed me, ‘…so she is stubborn too.’ I thought. ‘Girl, you don’t know what you’re after, Wrong Decisions lead to disasters.’ I tried to warn her. ‘I am not making Wrong Decision, I am only deciding Wrong!’ I stopped dead in my track. She smiled. ‘You know the difference, don’t you?’ I continued to stare in her determined eyes and I knew I’d have to help her.

‘Shall we walk?’ this time she started walking confidently beside me.

‘I may not know the consequences’ she was saying ‘but I know what may happen if I DON’T choose this way.’ I was lost in my thoughts. ‘…and be sure, you won’t be responsible for whatever may happen.’ A single nod of acceptance changed my life. I was more than just Wrong Decision now, someone chose me for the better. ‘You’re a nice person.’ She began her farewell. ‘May I call you “Hikmat”? See you around.’ And she left.

Wrong is still my identity, only with a difference now.

Fee Amanillah.

Childhood: The Return

2008-03-16T04:44:00.002+05:00

“Happa!!!” the , now two years old, baby bumps into her and grabs her by her legs, the far she can reach her mother. She laughs and tells her to stay away from the stove. Her hands are moving fast. Once she’s mashed the potatoes, she’s now putting cream, chicken stock and adding flavors to it, a little different this time. “Goudi!!!”, the baby demands. She pushes her away. Baby is not happy with it but busies herself in other interesting items present in the kitchen. She checks the baby from the corner of her eye, satisfied, she continues her work.

A new recipe everyday is essential in order to feed the baby. She’s tried ‘em all up till now, even the combinations and variations. Oats, Mashed Bananas, Cream and honey with bread, Cheese with Paratha, Halwa, Scrambled eggs and fries, Butter and Rice, Mango pulp with fresh cream, Mashed-every-seasons-fruits, Potatoes-this, Potatoes-that .. what not? Feeding baby is always an adventure. Once the batter is ready, she puts the food in the baby utensils and prepares herself for the baby-battle-against-food.

First step is to catch her unaware. Has the baby seen the look in her mother’s eyes, she is already running and laughing. Before she gets to her, the baby has hidden herself beneath the coffee table. She calls her name. The baby giggles. She could let go of her on such cuteness but no compromises on her diet, she reminds herself. The baby is trapped, which makes it easy for her to drag her out. Rest of the steps are enacted fast and before the baby knows she is bounded under her mother’s leg, her hands firmly held by one of her mothers.

Mixed expressions of shock and horror can be seen on the baby’s face just as she lowers the spoon full of Mashed-potatoes to baby’s mouth. First one goes easy. The baby gulps it rather difficultly after keeping it in mouth for a complete analysis. Second spoonful then Third. Fourth commences the struggle for freedom. But she manages to force it in the tiny mouth. By the fifth one, baby succeeds in freeing one of her hands, which she uses to push back her mother’s hand. Mashed-potatoes out of the spoon flies and land on the couch. But she is also a Mother, not ready to surrender. Scolding, she bounds her hands again.

Sixth, Seventh and Eighth. By now the tears are flowing from baby’s eyes. The first silent cries are now turning into small screams. The baby moves uncomfortably under her mother’s hold, still trying to free herself. The ninth one, and the baby has enough of it! Using all her energy the baby twists and slips from her mother’s embrace. Her cries are louder now and her face expressions are a proof of how much she disliked the treatment with her. She now tries every mother’s strategy at this kind of situation; love. She embraces the baby gently and calls her politely with a kiss. Slowly trying to feed the baby another serving. But kids have no second opinion. The food is rejected with the same intensity.

Few more tries, and the mother has to give up! Doubtful if she’s fed the baby enough, she leaves her with a sigh. The baby, content with her success, is now playing with her teddy and tea set. The worry-free baby knows no one can make her eat mashed-potatoes ever again. The Mother is thinking; postponing mashed-potatoes till next week she will try “Soojhi ka Halwa” next.

Ctrl+S. She saves the piece of work on her laptop and grabs the few last bites of her Mashed-Potatoes and Fried Sausages.

How often do we wish to be a child again? The worry-free and happy life, constant care, no work just games, sleeping at the wrong hours, getting up as desired and not to forget lots of chips and candies. All that one can dream of.

Her thoughts flow smoothly as she chews slowly, but miserably. She has it all again, but at a price that costs her life. She tries to grab the glass of water at her bedside but her faltering hand doesn’t allow. She does not deserve this, angry thoughts take over. Helpless in her bed, she closes her eyes and let the tears escape from the corners.

And as always, the Mother comes to the rescue. After the course of medicines, she shoves a glass full of milk in her hands. She screams and resists. Just like the baby. But mother is not going to compromise on her diet, not this time. She embraces her, kisses her forehead and sits by her side, while she falls asleep again.

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu!

Medical Files: A Little a Lot ...

2008-03-08T06:41:00.001+05:00

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah.

Following depicts exactly how I have been feeling lately, due to the sickness.

Note: I highly respect the copyrights:
[COPYRIGHT 2008 UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of uclick and Universal Press Syndicate.] and have only used the image as a personal communication mean.

Great Minds

2008-03-05T21:10:00.001+05:00

When two great minds talk... this is what happens...

Engineer M. :

how is this quote: Sooner or later you get to know how much of a “friend” your friends are!

SB:

lolz

SB:

yeah

SB:

a good one

SB:

or rather..

SB:

a true one

Engineer M. :

I SAID IT!!! =)

Engineer M. :

do you think its new?

Engineer M. :

or someone already would've said this ?

SB:

you want copy rights?

Engineer M. :

yeah !!!!

Engineer M. :

actually i wanted to know if theres ANY thing left in this world to be discovered

Engineer M. :

on which we can get the credit

SB:

oh yes

Engineer M. :

whatever we do, is already done somewhere

SB:

see

SB:

The concept of the 7 worlds is still undiscovered

SB:

no one really researched on it

Engineer M. :

:P !!

Engineer M. :

what my point was , is that

Engineer M. :

whatever we think, discover or experience in this life "PHILOSPHICALLY" .. is experienced by our elders

Engineer M. :

and all the philosophers like Khalil Jibran, Paulo Coelho, Aristotle, Confucius

Engineer M. :

they've put it in words already

Engineer M. :

there isn't anything left , something NEW that we experience

SB:

i am sure that they must have left something...

Engineer M. :

regarding FEELINGS?

SB:

but there is no way of knowing that till you read ALL of their work

Engineer M. :

i mean. the experience of this world and life?

Engineer M. :

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

SB:

I am sure that all these great philosophers have no clue about experience of an MRI!!

SB:

How about that??

Engineer M. :

good point....... iss tarha tou experience with new technologies can make up a whole deewaan

Engineer M. :

and the next generation and then next... would know about it

SB:

yeah

Engineer M. :

they'll think its already been discovered

SB:

So you can come up with your “TECHNO PHILOSOPHY”!!!

SB:

I am sure you’ve suffered more techno disasters than us

SB:
So you can describe the sufferings and miseries in great detail
SB:

That’s what Philosophy is all about!!

Engineer M. :

GOOD

Engineer M. :

thats a great idea, I'll do that!!!!!!!!!!

SB:

Even Happiness in philosophical terms is MELODRAMATIC!

SB:

But you’ll have to change your name…

SB:

Pakeezah or Moon doesn’t ring Philosophical Bells!

Engineer M. :

how about Engineer M.

SB:

hmmm

Engineer M. :

for TECHNO PHILOSPHY, it is modern as well as suitable, everyone will believe an Engineer

SB:

MunENG

Engineer M. :

Or Engmun

Engineer M. :

sounds like Alien

SB:

yeah

SB:

thats better

SB:

Engmun Moonda !!!

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah!!

...Just another night.

2008-03-05T04:43:00.000+05:00

ظلمت کدے میں میرے شبِ غم کا جوش ہے

ایک شمع ہے دلیلِ سحر ، سو خموش ہے ۔

The sudden darkness causes her knock her feet against the side drawer, “Ya Rabb!!”, she calls out politely. Except for few stars shining infront of her eyes because of the pain, it’s completely dark around. The load shedding would continue for an hour and a half, but she knows how prolonged it’d seem. She searches her way out the room in order to light a candle. UPS is long gone dead, and the Petromax lamp is so out of reach. She has already tried calling a number of people last week to repair the UPS, but no one seems to have time for the old lady.

She explores the neatly lined jars on the kitchen counter, feeling them by her hands she reaches for the last candle she’s been saving for days. The little flame gives her the dull sight of her clean kitchen. She admires her day’s work and after getting into lounge she places the candle in the middle of the old coffee table. After seating herself comfortably on the couch she becomes more aware of the solitude and silence around her. The quietness about sends frequent chills in her spine.

She is lost in thoughts. This same place could stand out coz of the cheers and laughter of the little ones if you only go back in latest past. The thorny period of shadows made so easy with little feet around, bumping into her, screaming, and their glowing faces enough to light the surroundings. The beautiful memories put a slight smile on her face. But a loud racket brings her back to life. Her heart starts to pound rapidly. The age has slowed down her responses but she is fast enough to reach the door and double check the lock.

Her ears are on alert, anticipating the slightest sound anyone can make. It is late till she realizes her hands are shivering and few drops of perspiration have appeared on her forehead. She holds the doorknob tightly but feels it slip through her hands because of the sweat. There is the noise again, this time with a shrill cry of a miserable cat. It’s only a cat. She tries to comfort herself by hugging her weak existence and convinces herself she is not afraid of it. It was long ago when the cats and their cries made her terrified, but she is old now.

While the fight continues inside her, she finds herself almost talking out aloud. Her own voice sounds like a stranger’s and when she realizes she is alone, she reaches for the receiver of the phone. She’s started dialing her son’s number on the keypad. But what is she going to tell him? Not that its completely dark, and she is alone and scared. He’ll laugh if she tells him about the noise and the cat. She wants to tell him she misses him and wants him to come back. But she doesn’t want to put pressure on him, so its not a good idea. She will talk to her grand daughter, that will make her happy. The bell is going through. “Hello..”, she quickly speaks in the receiver only to hear his son’s voice directing: “Hello, you’ve reached the Ahmed’s, please leave your message after the beep and We’ll call you back. Thank you.”.

The small dark room, lit by one candle is her only companion for now. The flame of the candle synchronizes with the surroundings and has become dead still. The petrifying silence enters her soul and the emptiness around is winning over her. She’s become a part of the darkness and can no longer feel herself. She lingers on the couch while her life is played like a movie in front of her eyes.

Her parents leaving her behind in the house since she was a child. She complaining to her mother that she is scared of cats, and her mother telling her she is old now. Her husband leaving her for long hours alone and unable to fight for life when she needs him the most. She’s been brave for most of her life, she’s brought up her children alone. She’s fought for her rights and has given her children the best. She can see them happy and content in their lives now, and the best part of her life is her grand children. She is playing with them, feeding them, bathing them, and clothing them like she’s done with her children. But this time it is more satisfactory. She can feel their tiny hands on hers and their soft kisses on her cheeks. And she sees them running. They run so fast. She tries to reach them but they’ve disappeared. She has failed to catch them. She has failed to keep them. She calls out their names but only silences answer her.

The wax is melting fast; the silent flame of the only candle is low. She is old to be left alone, she has weakened to die. The flame of the candle is struggling to keep itself alight. The tears are flowing silently. The hot melted wax has gained the mass and the flame is twirling to live to the last of the thread. She sighs. The flame gives up, spreading the darkness in an already darkened life. Silence prevails.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“You’ve one new messages”.

“Beeep.”

“ ** Silence ** ”.

Fee Amanillah

The Perfect Iftaar

2007-10-13T15:40:00.001+05:00

“Hasbunallahu Wa Naimal Wakeel”

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,

7:00 Am

I open my side of window and let the cool morning breeze rush inside the small area of the van. The day has started with its usual pace and I am on my way to the institute [after a wonderful Sahoor prepared by my Grandmother] where another usual day is awaiting.

Days are very specifically scheduled in the month of Ramadan and we spend it like any other day at University, only fully aware we're fasting and avoiding most of our usual behavior and actions [including studying]. Still till the end of the day we're tired like anything and expect people not to ask us to help with any extra chores.

I plan not to think about the deficiencies from my side but to concentrate on the blessings and wonders Allah has created [SUBHAN ALLAH], which are spread all around you in shape of beautiful nature so clean [which overcomes the man-made-pollution anyway], the everyday Miracle in form of little kids, worry free and happy, birds, trees, wind, vegetables and fruits on the cart for sale...

...reminds me of the Iftaar time in 10-11 hours to come and my only duty to make "fruit chaat" (mixed fruits nicely cut and toppled with sugar and black pepper), which no one has assigned me but I feel obligated to perform. I decide to make it with variations today in order to provide a feast for my lovely Grandmother at Iftaar, that is the least I can do for them.

I feel at peace after deciding a payback for the unnumbered favors by the caring, angel-like, always on her toes, never complaining or scolding, motherly, Grandmother, my Nani. Only in the time to come I’ll get to know that preparing a thousand meals, sahoor, iftaar can never compensate for the least she did for me.

I continue to observe around and waste my day in the usual manner.

6:15 pm

I quietly, hesitantly sit at the table which is already set for the Iftaar, containing two dishes [Three if you count dates, and four if you include the Drinks]. The third was supposed to be there but I overslept. I busy myself in praying, one of the reasons, so I don’t have to talk to my Granny. Just as she shoves a date in my hand, I feel compelled to explain…

“There were no fruits…” I start guiltily.
“Really? Just bought them yesterday!?”, she doesn’t have even slightest suspicion or complain. Never rely on your past knowledge! I tell myself and slips even lower on the chair so I may hide my guilt.
“Theres enough, Thanks to Allah.” She says really politely and I feel worse.
“You know, I couldn’t decide what to make for iftaar. There was no yoghurt and we’re short of flour. But has Allah not promised He’d provide us with food? And the “rizq” gets double in Ramadan, Alhumdulillah.” She continues while pouring me a glass of Rooh Afza drink. I know she understands and is trying to make me feel better, rather she has a point here.

We break our fasts as the Maghrib Adhan begins. I eat and I eat much from what I thought was little, and I am already full ALHUMDULILLAH.

It is Allah who “provides”, Allah who sprinkles “Barakah” in what you eat, drink, wear, do. Why I thought I could add some luxury in already luxurious Iftaar, or why I thought I’d provide my Granny with a feast while Allah has already taken care of it!?? Allah shows you He is the Owner, Creator, The Only One, Eternal One, Provider.. The Greatest and Most Merciful, and we’re No One, Really.

“See, it was just a matter of 5 minutes!” my Granny smiles.“We don’t even have to work so hard, or to worry what to eat, when it’ll all be gone so soon.” She leaves the table. I secretly admire her for her care and understanding and wonders how to Thank Allah for all His blessings, for giving me such a wonderful Granny, giving me time for realization and for granting me the most satisfactory and “Perfect Iftaar” in my lifetime.

I can never thank Him enough , “Innallaha Ala Kul’le Shaii’in Qadeer”.

Is Taudi U Kumullah.

The Truth about Life

2007-07-31T21:47:00.000+05:00

Me: He'll be leaving soon for KSA.
T: This is sad.
T: Yay hi dastoor e zindagi hai. [This is the constitution of life]
Me: Maa baap ko akela chore daina? [Leaving your Parents Alone?]
T: Kia karein, Majboori hai. [What can we do, It is beyond our control.]
T: Har aik ko jana parta hai. [Everyone has to leave]
T: It is Life.

Something is stuck in my throat, and even after half an hour, I am not able to digest the above conversation. I've nothing to do with the person who is leaving, nor does my Aunt “T”. I don't blame her for saying all that; she was only trying to be "understanding".

And I agree, 110% this is Life. But Life what we’ve chosen... not life what it meant to be [or should've been].

This is one horrendous truth, all the bad things happen around us, to us, to our loved ones and we cannot do anything about it. We witness the bitter facts, feel the pain in our hearts, and then go on with our lives. The worse happens to you and you say: "This is life". You lose someone dear to you and you get to hear: "Life Goes On..".

I couldn't get my hands on the "Book of Life" up till now. The book which defines all the rules and regulations of life. Which tells us that "Life" is responsible for all the tragedies and disasters. The Book which makes you believe you’re unfortunate because it’s the fault of “Life”. And why should I find one? Its not written anywhere.

You accept the malice once on yourself, and you’ll be the target all your life. It is our fault we’re in such miserable situation. It is our fault if we’re not happy and it is our fault if we accept what we don’t deserve. Its not life that makes us, but we make our lives the way it is. It is our fault that we are following the non-muslim propaganda of life blindly, we're so into the worldly stuff that we've forgotten what Life actually is.

Maybe I am no one to decide who is at fault, but only if we start living the way it is supposed to be, i.e by following the Quran and Sunnah then Trust me, Life [and life hereafter] would be Better not only for you but for the people around you [INSHA ALLAH]. You won’t have to worry for the “bread and butter” but only Allah’s happiness. And Allah’s happiness is in taking care of your Parents.

Remember, Life doesn't go on forever... but has an End. And when it ends... !!!

May Allah give us all Hidayah, forgive our sins and grant us place in Jannat ul Firdos, Ameen.

Anyone who acts rightly, male or female, being a believer, We will give them a good life and We will recompense them according to the best of what they did. (Surat an-Nahl: 97)

Fee Amanillah.

The 5 Minutes Walk of Bliss

2007-07-26T03:41:00.000+05:00

Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,

I see my sister walking towards the entrance gate at the airport. My eyes follow her till she is lost in the crowd, till I see no more of her black gown. I stand there oblivious of swarming people around me but fully aware of the feelings of the two persons by my side. They are my Parents. But I dare not look at them; I dare not interrupt their thoughts. We’ve signed a Silent contract: not to bug each other at this moment. And we understand this Quietness.

We wait. She said she’ll be back after the luggage is gone. Moments pass by slowly. Really Slowly. I try to indulge my mother into talking to me, but after a few replies she is quiet again. She looks tired.

Father is in deep thoughts himself. I am thinking of the topic that’ll interest him the most. I come up with the different technologies used at the Airport, the flight announcement boards [Or whatever that is called!?] for instance. But for the first time in life, he’s got shortest and précised answers to all my questions.

Words are not helping. I was never good at words anyway. Time passes in a very upsetting way, while we play with our thoughts and stand there unsure of the future. My sister returns after ages [at least that’s what it feels like]. I want to hug her, I want her to stay. I want to talk to her, standing there and then, all night! But she has more important matters at hand.

Isn’t it good? Keep yourself busy so you’ve less time to think about what hurts. I don’t know why your loved ones have to leave you. Why do you have to go through these severely painful moments of Separation? If this is just some stupid rule of life, then I don’t like it.

There she goes again. This time she won’t be returning. My father takes the lead towards the Parking Lot, but my mother is hesitant. She wants to call my sis to make sure she won’t be coming out again OR to make her realize she already misses her?

I take my mother’s hand in my hand. Hold it tight. I want her to understand she is not alone. As we drag ourselves towards the Lot, my father gets hold of my other hand, and we walk on the way to our car, hands in hands.

While I hold hands with my parents, I know I share a strong bond with them. We share each others’ lives. For an obvious reason, our happiness and sorrows are the same. I never thought I’ll be the last one to go, but for some strange reason, I am enjoying it. I have full attention of my parents now, just as I used to imagine when I was a kid. I tighten the grip on my parents’ hand, so they don’t let go.

I deliberately take small steps; I want to last it longer. The breeze seems to synchronize with our walk, making the surroundings soothing. The time has stopped, or am I imagining it? I no longer can hear the noises around me, but only the peace entering my soul. Everything seems to honor this moment, as it observes silently. It feels like the most appropriate thing happening around, and I love every millisecond of it.

I keep my eyes at the three shadows in front of us, thinking it’s the most beautiful chain of shadows I’ve ever seen. No one can ever break it, because it’s not physical anyway. Love resides in just every part of our souls; the “touch” only connects the hearts!

For once, we don’t need words. We’ve agreed to Allah’s will, and treasure what we’re left with.

The walk lasts five minutes. Five minutes of pure bliss and satisfaction. I eventually let go of my parents hands, sure of one thing:

Our bond is stronger than anything, it doesn’t need words to communicate each others’ feelings, to comfort each other and I know we’ll be there for each other no matter what; after all, We’re Family! [ALHUMDULILLAH]

Is Taudi’u Kum’Ullah.

But .. MATHS ... ? ! ?! ?!? !?

2007-05-20T21:14:00.000+05:00

Live through your Subject - "Probability" Part I
21:13 - Tuesday, Sept. 28, 2004
Set: Library
Time: 11:00 am
Scene I :
'R: " If theres a group of 9 members, out of which 3 are geniuses, what is the probability of a member getting the right answer in first try. B) Probability of another member getting the solution in 2nd try? C)Whats the probability of "H" out of those nine getting the answer not even in the third trial ?? " :P
Kay: " Hmmmm we can change the names event-ually..? *-) "
Me: " Conditions apply... if 'N can get the answer... "H" certainly will. :P .. hey why only US!! :@ "
'N: " Whats the probability of 'H not being from the 3 geinuses. Equally likely chances x:o)!"
Me: " Exactly, like there was a probability 1/38 of the presence of 'a horse' in our class yesterday! "
Kay: " Hehehe, That voice was wonderful...! "
'R: " Truly Professional."
'H: " Can someone do it? "
'I (drowned deep in an example ): " Oh thats Simple! "
All Together: " NIKALO!!! " :D
'I: "The Tree Diagram... "
We all BURST into LAUGHTER!!!

[Page from M'Diary]

Thanks to Markov Chain Models, reminded me the time when I had to study Probability Theory like crazy. And thanks to my Teacher, who made us those crazy persons. Only that he forgot we're Human beings, and he forgot we're the Lazy Pakistanis. I dont remember a word and it seems like ages I studied that.

Why does this happen?? I've seriously tried all the techniques, from "Almonds" to "Dimagheen", but MATHS seems new to me everytime I dare look at it. Is it Maths or ME, I dont know. But I certainly know now, the more you run away from a thing, the more it gets to you.

Solution lies in the above "scene". You've to indulge yourself in the subject, you've to learn it for the sake of getting knowledge, and not for the sake of just Learning. Never take your subject as burden, but fun [Though I wonder if theres ANY fun at all in Mathematics].

I dont know how successful my Teacher was in teaching us Statistics or Mathematics, but he sure succeeded in endowing us the ability to live through the subject, to treasure it. Now when I open the book I'll be knowing the probability of me understanding the subject, because its part of our lives.

Assalaamu Alaikum, Wa Rahmatullahi, Wa Barakatuhu .. Fee Amanillah.

Getting to know "LIFE"

2007-05-16T01:39:00.000+05:00

Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah,

Sometimes you come across the most weirdest situations in life which you never expected, but then they're called Experiences.

With each new Experience you get to know a new face of the Life, and uglier it becomes.

I now know why they say to Listen to your elders or to learn from others' mistakes, because experiencing everything yourself is not always cheerful!

And then you have to make decisions about things you dont even wanna think about. Theres no way out because your loved ones who promised to support you, who spoiled you to the last limit, made themselves indispensable for you will NOT always be there.

There'd be times when you so want to be understood without making any effort yourself, without having the trouble to say what you want, but they wont understand. And yet again You'll be the one on Verge!

Its YOUR Life, and Others are Least Concerned about it.

There'd be things you are not happy about but you'll welcome them. There'd be things you'll accept because others want you to accept. There'd be things you'll do because others "Expect" you to do and you do that to keep them happy.

I've learned to "LET GO" of things I want, my mother told me , its called "Compromise".

But what if I dont want to experience this all, what if I dont want to make decisions, what if I dont wanna LET GO ???

Cant we just change the LIFE ?????

May Allah have His Mercy on Us, and help us throughout our lives, May Allah make it easy for Us to live and die the way He wants. Ameen.

Fee Amanillah.

Bara Dushwar hota hai ...

2006-06-15T23:47:00.001+05:00

بڑا دُشوار ہوتا ہے

ذرا سا فیصلہ کرنا

کہ جیون کی کہانی کو

بیانِ بے زبانی کو

کہاں سے یاد رکھنا ہے

کہاں سے بھول جانا ہے

کِسے کتنا بتانا ہے

کس سے کتنا چھپانا ہے

کہاں رو رو کے ہنسنا ہے

کہاں ہنس ہنس کے رونا ہے

کہاں آواز دینی ہے

کہاں خاموش رہنا ہے

کہاں رستہ بدلنا ہے

کہاں سے لوٹ جانا ہے

بڑا دُشوار ہوتا ہے۔۔۔

Nice One!!! Isn't it? Especially for those who are bad at making decisions, like Me :P!!

And I am That....

2006-05-14T15:35:00.002+05:00

The Lazy Chap Says It All... Hehehe!

Babies are Miracles

2006-02-26T00:18:00.000+05:00

(MashaAllah :) )

Name: "Muhammad" Zafar bin Rehan
Born on: 23rd February, 2006
Time: 12:07 AM
At: Agha Khan University Hospital
Height: 49
Weight: 3 Kg

Relation with Author: My Cutooo Cousinnnn! :

Precious one,

So small,
So sweet

Dancing in
on angel feet
Straight from Heaven's

brightest star

What a miracle
you are!

Remarks: Yupppppppppyyyyy :D:D:D

More to Come Soon!!!

Thats Not Fair!!!

2006-02-16T08:17:00.000+05:00

Salaam..

Yeah... I am talking about THIS. Now that today I am up on time... infact, long before time... I cant go to my University. Sad, indeed. [will miss the Cool Breeze :( ]

The most irritating part is, I CANT SLEEEEEP AGAIN!!!! I tried and tried and tried... but now I feel so fresh that its hard even to tell myself that I can sleep!

Personally I am " NOT " in favor of these strikes in Pakistan. I condemn those cartoons just as much as Any Muslim, but this is not the way to defend our dignity or religion.
What are we getting by ruining our own Assets, stealing from the shops, taking advantage of these strikes, joining just to have fun, and lying to our ownselves??? How we'll protect our religion by hurting our Muslim brothers?? How are we going to make up for the loss of our Time, Education, Business of One Whole Day???

Give it a thought...
The thing to worry about is not "How we make the ' Kuffar ' apologize?" but "How they got this courage to do such a thing against Muslims?"

My Sir told us a story from the days of Rasul Allah SAW, how only few people started the "tabligh" without any fear or resources...

Some messengers of Rasul Allah SAW went to a King and gave him Dawa' of Islam, he asked them who you are, and they answered proudly and fearlessly,
" We are the ones who straighten the spoiled ones."
the King answered:
" We got a religion, but we left it... that is why we are at this level now that you can talk to us like this! "
Just in Years, Islam spread so quickly that it could be found in all four corners of this world. That was the time when kuffar feared Muslims, and they couldn't have said even a word against them. At that time Muslims had only one objective, Live for Allah, die for Him.

Today we've left our "Deen", we've lost our dignity, we've ruined everything by our own hands, worst of all, we've ruined the reputation of our religion, our Beloved Prophet SAW ourselves by not following his footsteps, by not following Allah's orders, by not being the Muslims we are supposed to be! We've invited the Kuffars to insult us in any way they want...

Its a moment to cry, its a moment to realize and its a moment of action...
Action not as in the shape of strikes and rallies, but to analyze ourselves and be the Real Muslims. How fair are We with our religion, that we get angry if a Kaffir is not!?? I believe we can protect our religion better if we are better Muslims and united.

Maybe I am wrong in all what I said above, but I'll be glad if you can correct me.

Signing Off.
Fi Aman Allah.

Whats in a Result ?!?!

2006-02-10T13:56:00.000+05:00

*Edited:

This post have been relocated coz it was not intented for this Blog. [Stupid problems!]
Sorry for the inconvenience.
You can find the post here now.

Take care :)!

Chocolates and Me

2006-02-06T00:42:00.000+05:00

Hmmmmm .....
Willy Wonka said:

" Eating chocolates makes you feel Loved!! "

But it didn't work for me.... I feel just as depressed as I was before.
Or Maybe... Snickers and Ferrero Rocher dont have those magical instincts as the Wonka Chocolates..
I want one Wonka Bar Pleaseeee!!!!

P.S: I really liked Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Btw!

Edited:
Guess what ... I was taking some of the quizzes on blogthings.com, and look what I found!!!

Snickers

Nutty and gooey - you always satisfy.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

Yup Yup Yup !!! I LOVE SINCKERS , and that I am!!!

hiiiiiiiiiii ... From Noor!

2005-11-28T13:05:00.000+05:00

hiiiiiiiiiii

Edited:
Okay... that was my friend NuRpUr's mischievous hand behind that post!! She just did this in "seconds" when I turned around to talk to someone! Great going Noooor!

M o r t a l i t y . . .

2005-11-22T04:05:00.000+05:00

We think accidents happen to others only... and even if we see some accident, we only feel pity for them and move on... but we always forget we are no EXCEPTIONS. And such things can happen to us too... or maybe WORSE.

Somethings, that leave you only shattered to pieces, and you cant stand up to live again. Somethings that take everything away, Somethings that make you worse than D.E.A.D! Those somethings can happen to us, and we are all human beings.

and we just always forget that we are Human beings.

See you ... After a break :)!

2005-11-16T03:13:00.000+05:00

Assalaam O Alaikum,

Just stopped by to drop this line..

" Prayyyyy for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" , Yeah, you got it... I am having my exams. Okay, though they're just Mid terms, but exams are exams... and they suck!!

Wanted to write lots... but not getting the time , I'll be back soon!

Till then, you can browse the links below,

Refresh your Iman [My new blog, its all about my Religion]
Karachi Metroblogging [Just started to write here tooo, hope you enjoy it]
M ' Diary [Oooopss , its a restricted area, keep out :P.. ]

Wish me luck... and Pray for me... !! Miltay hain, Break kay baad... Same place, same blog with the same old boring author!!

Fi Aman Allah.

MERI Eidi..... TERI Eidi !!!

2005-11-03T23:53:00.000+05:00

Assalaam o Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah,

Eid is here.... and Allah has given us a chance to show our love for Him, and for His people. Lets celebrate this eid in a different way... and instead of taking "Eidi" from our elders, give it to the ones waiting in the other part of Pakistan, lets give them a ray of sunshine in their darkest hours of life, lets fill their faces with smiles instead of fear, lets give their eyes the shine, instead of tears!!!

Please send "Eidi" items , small gifts, packed, to the kids suffering in the effected area. They dont know what has happened to them and why... but they'll be knowing this that this eid of theirs would be different than usual.. we can still make them feel at home... and make their eid a happy one.

Eidi Items can be given at COD, or infront of EXPO CENTER, or at a camp at MAI KOLACHI. (Karachi, Pakistan)
Note:
Useful things if given as eidi, would be of double use to them.. e.g good books, stationary stuff, or shoes, sweaters, dresses, and bangles and Henna for Girls, sweets, candies toffees, and biscuits etc.
And if you pack them nicely in gift wrapping papers... with your name on it, it'd be even better :)!

Donate generously, and I am sure Allah will make this Eid of yours Double Blessed one, InshaAllah and Ameen!

P.S: Thanks to Geo Tv for the nice Tag Line.

Fi Aman Allah.

Simple Eid or No Eid ?

2005-10-30T19:56:00.000+05:00

Assalaam O Alaikum,

Source

Lately whenever we are having discussions on "Earthquake 2005"... the topic of Eid surely comes up... and I always say that we shouldn't be celebrating EID... on which I always have to hear lots of stuff, before I can finish my sentence!!

I am obviously aware of whats the Significance of Eid in a Muslim's Life. After the end of the Holy month of Ramadan, its a Gift from Allah, on which we can Thank Him and be happy. Where the meanings of Eid itself are "HAPPINESS".

What I mean, and what I always want to say... after all this destruction, with our fellow Muslims, Human Beings, and our Fellow Pakistanis are facing difficult time, they then have some rights on "us" who claim to be Muslims.
If we just cant help them, if we cant cry with them, we shouldn't forget them either...

Those who understand the situation will understand what I want to say... Theres no real Happiness left around. Even if we try to smile, laugh or try to have fun... we shouldn't forget that there are people who are suffering, and there wont be an EID for them this year, while future still remains dark for all of us.

I've never stopped anyone from celebrating EID, its Sunnah to wear new clothes, and to celebrate the occassion of Eid. But at this time... we can do it differently, while completing the Sunnah, we can do it Simply too. Instead of shopping alot, doing the "Asraaf" [Spending extra than necessary/Spending useless] i.e getting an expensive dress (+ 3 or 4 in number), then all the stuff of matching with it, matching shoes, bangles, jewellery... and everything, we can instead buy a simple dress for us, and by the remaining budget of ours, we can buy lil Eidi gifts for the kids in the effected area... or donate it by any other means we can.

Instead of having a "GREAT EID" in one part of Pakistan, and "NO EID" in one part of Pakistan.. we can have Simple Eid... and EID EVERYWHERE in Pakistan.

I am definite, we can get DOUBLE HAPPINESS by doing this, instead of just celebrating it for OURSELVES. Coz I doubt if anyone will be happy anyway... but by making the needy ones happy... Our Allah will be happy with us too then. And theres no bigger happiness than to give others Happiness, Trust me... and Try it!!!

Fi Aman Allah.

The Depression

2005-10-24T19:17:00.000+05:00

Assalaam O Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah,

With the "depression" caused on the earth by the earthquakes... the depression in the people of Karachi has been doubled. While I remember the spirits of Karachiites on the first day of quake, the way they wanted to help, the way they volunteered and worked day and night, for hours and hours... it all has lessened gradually. It is not that the spirits died... but they've been overcome by the fears and doubts.

The gloomy atmosphere around me makes me feel more depressed. Everyday I enter my University with a fear in my heart, that I might hear a bad news about something... someone's death, the daily after shocks in those areas, and Pre-shocks[of Tsunami, what some says!] in Karachi, which jolts the hearts of Karachiites everytime they occur. I feel guilty of smiling or laughing with such situation around.

Just hearing the news of earthquake on all the Pakistani channels, watching the destruction caused by them, people dying, death-toll rising day by day, people suffering, crying, pleading for help... Little innocent children without their parents, loss of whole families, their shelters.. all of this can make anyone vomit.

I dont know about many homes, or many people.. what they think.. what they're doing... but I can say this without any doubt that all of us, who still have got some humanity left in us... cant stop thinking and praying for the effected people.

I feel people in Pakistan are losing hopes. Lately I've been hearing a lot from my family and friends, the discussions about "End of Time", "Death", "Sufferings" and all. But what I dont hear is what they're doing for all this. People are worried about the prediction of Tsunami in Karachi and the earthquakes [courtesy of Mamooun, :S ], and they all fear from the destruction and death and are making their minds and preparing themselves for any similar disaster. But have they still given it a thought that what they should be actually preparing themselves for?

If its really almost the "END OF TIME", do you or I find ourselves prepared for it in reality? If we die today, will we die peacefully?

Do we have enough good deeds to rely on, for the lives hereafter!?

Lately, I got chance to go out... and I was more than surprised to see the kind of "Rush", I've NEVER seen at Millennium Mall (Karachi), people shopping crazily, as if they really wont get a chance again to shop. And not just that, I never saw ANY change at all... in the "MUSLIMS" of Paksitan.

* Remark: I DONT count myself out of all this, so NO OFFENSE to Anyone intended. [Just went out last night to buy some books! :P]

OR maybe, things are getting Normal. I dont like this state of normalizing either. People are forgetting what happened in the Northern Pakistan, because they have not yet experienced it. Its not out of the SIGHT yet, still people are trying to put it off their MINDS...

We all need a change, we need to realize and follow the true path, moreover, if we've worked this much uptil now, we are not supposed to stop... we still have to help our fellow Pakistanis.

Signing Off!!

Fi Aman Allah.

P.S: 1)Why only about Karachi? Coz "Me" living in Karachi, and observing the limited people around me.
2) Whatever I said in this post is just what I SEE , what I OBSERVE, and what I THINK... its not necessary for you to agree with it.

[Source of Pictures Used. ]

" Even a Smile can be Charity " [Al - Quran]

2005-10-21T22:31:00.000+05:00

Assalaam O Alaikum,

Was just going through the sites, and I thought I should atleast promote some... which are working hard for the Relief Fund Online or Offline.

[Update: another very good site working to record the information for Missing People from hospitals and everywhere... ]

Earthquake Victims Information System

& Ofcourse... Well Known,

Presidents Earthquake Relief Fund

There are many more sites, but if we just take out some time ... we still can make a difference in the lives of effected people of the Earthquake by doing a little.. and we can help them make it better every next moment.

Lets just stand together in this difficult time on our Nation... and May Allah's Help be with us.. ameen.

Abu Mas`ud `Uqbah bin `Amr Al-Ansari (May Allah be pleased with him) said: When the Ayah enjoining Sadaqah (charity) was revealed,* we used to carry loads on our backs to earn something that we could give away in charity. One person presented a considerable amount for charity and the hypocrites said: "He has done it to show off.'' Another one gave away a few Sa` of dates and they said: "Allah does not stand in need of this person's dates". Thereupon, it was revealed:
"Those who defame such of the believers who give charity (in Allah's Cause) voluntarily, and such who could not find to give charity (in Allah's Cause) except what is available to them...'' (9:79)
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

* This is the A'yah in which Allah says! "Take Sadaqah (alms) from their wealth in order to purify them and sanctify them with it, and suppliate Allah for them...'' (9:103)

"And whatever you spend in good, surely, Allah knows it well.'' (2:273)

Fi Aman Allah.

....H e l p i n g . E n o u g h ???

2005-10-14T21:13:00.000+05:00

Salaam,

In the whole last week, since the earthquake brought the mass destruction in the lives of Pakistanis we've seen enough responses from all over the world and the Passionate Pakistanis working day and night to make available the stuff our fellow Pakistanis need.

While everyone is trying their best efforts.. the question that arises over here is that is it all Enough?

" All the agencies are now co-ordinated and united - but that doesn't mean we have what we need. We are out in the field and we see with our own eyes that things are beyond the government and the army now.

We need international aid from all over the world. " Said Dr Irfan Noor , From remote Odhi district.

The question is how the government should manage the aid for all the areas... and the things they ACTUALLY NEED... we surely lack management in such crisis. Why are we still unable to make available all the comodities for the effected people even when everyone is doing so much?

" Their first need is shelter. Temperatures are extremely low. People now have food and medicine, but shelter is what they desperately need.

The onset of the cold has changed all our priorities.
I can see that relief supplies are coming in, but tents please, more tents. " , from Balakot.

" Supplies have only just reached here. Doctors are performing surgeries but without sterilisation equipment, surgical tools, without proper sanitation even. " Dr Irfan from Mansehra.

Some of the Facts that looked great... but now I wonder if they were enough of a Help.

According to some stats available here about 2000 young girls and boys from karachi were there to volunteer at PAF.

According to a survey.. ONLY 15% of people have given donations uptil now. Rest are still to be motivated.

" I've seen doctors in tears. They are on the frontline and they are working with people who are dying, people without shelter, sanitation, and they cannot cope with the trauma.

But I have also seen truck upon truck of aid from ordinary Pakistani people. My UN colleagues have told me they have never seen anything like this. It makes me feel proud.
It is the one positive thing amidst all this misery." [Again said Dr. Irfan Noor to BBC]

THERES STILL A LOT FOR US TO DO.... May Allah make available all the ways to reach to our Needy brothers and sisters. AMEEN.

I only feel helpless... just like we are not making enough efforts... I am not praying enough either I guess... the only thing I can contribute. Allah yet has to take our exam and we still have a lot to suffer for the sins we committed. But lets not lose our hopes and courage... our brothers and sisters need us... Lets just do it as much as we can...

Bahria's Contribution :

I thought I'll give you a quick review about My University's Activities... so if that you need to donate... you yet have another source to TRUST.

The Bimaxian Society of Bahria University, Dalmia, Karachi Campus, is doing a really good job in collecting the donations and managing them well with the help of the volunteers of the society and university. They'd be taking all the stuff along with them by their own transport... to the effected areas like Abbottabad and other places. Such trips would be held every week.

Other than that a whole team of volunteers of Bahrians was organized and by the permission of our Director Farid uz Zaman, they'll be going to volunteer for any physical work required in the effected areas where man-power is needed.
Bahrians have donated generously uptil now and we can see still Lots more is required, lets hope the needy people get it as soon as possible.

I can , I will

2005-10-11T19:58:00.000+05:00

" Chaho Ager Tum... Ban Jao Roshniii.... "

I know everyone is just trying their Best and theres help from all over the world... and they know all of this stuff... but only if it'd be help to even a Single person, I'll think I atleast did something which would be better than doing nothing at all.

HOW TO HELP:

Things Needed:
Medicines: Pain Killers(for children and Adult), Antibiotics(for children and Adult), Medicines for flu, Dettol, Cotton, Bandages, Syringes etc.
Food/Goods: Powdered Milk, Mineral Water, Fruits, Dry Fruits, Bread, Feeders, Emergency Lights, Oxygen Masks, Warm Clothes, Blankets, Pillows and anything you think would be of use.

Above mentioned things can be given to PAF, PIA or to your nearest Donation Camp.

Donate to: International Aid Agencies working in the Quake Zone.

Please Donate for Earthquake Victims [MKRF]

		" Donations can be deposited in any branch of UBL in Pakistan giving following details.
		Account Title							MKRF - Pakistan Earthquake Relief Fund
		Bank Name							United Bank Limited
		Account No.							0102598-5
		Branch Code							1234
		Branch Name							Al-Rehman Branch
		Branch Address							I. I. Chundrigar Road, Karachi , Pakistan
		For international telegraphic transfer from any bank abroad also indicate
		Swift Code							U N I L P K KA
		Make Calls to Donate at 0900-99970 (Pakistan) and 0092212271285 [Rs. 16.18/min + GST]
		Donate Rs. 3/= per SMS towards MKRF Relief Fund – SMS the word DONATE to 436 – Each SMS cost Rs. 3/= + taxes –Send as many SMS as you can. This is a joint effort by GEO, Mobilink and Ufone

Helplessness & Hopes

2005-10-10T22:30:00.000+05:00

Assalaam o Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah Wa Barakatuhu,

I dont know what to say... I am no one to say anything... I am sitting here peacefully while my fellow Muslims are suffering... that too in the Holy month of Ramadan. While I am enjoying the fabulous feasts of Iftaar everyday and they dont have any thing to eat since two or three days.

I can only thank Allah, for keeping us safe, and I can ask for forgiveness, coz we are no less criminals and sinners and I can only PRAY... for all the effected Pakistanis.. May Allah's Mercy be Upon them.

For every wound on their soul... I have a tear,
For every cry of theirs... I have a prayer.
For the hurt in their eyes, and the cracks in their shelters, I shudder.
The innocence on their faces and their terrifying destinies, I whimper.

I dont know why I thought that such a thing cant happen to us. For me "Tsunami", "Katrina" and "Rita" were just for the bigger parts of the world... why on earth such a little country on the surface of the world would be struck by a hurricane or an earthquake?? Maybe I couldn't feel well the sufferings of the people effected by those disasters when I ought to, anyway. You know it when it happens to you, your family and your Nation.

For a sign and a thought, by all these Punishments of Allah on our wrong doings, especially after the BIG incidents of Afghanistan and Iraq wars and our ignorance towards the true belief... theres no better way of teaching us the way to real meanings of life, "loving the mankind". For we always forget that its Allah who gives, and its Allah who takes it away. He can make you feel more helpless than a small Ant when He wants, and He is the one who grants a new hope everytime.

While its the biggest destruction ever, in the history of Pakistan, I've felt it for the first time... that WE ARE ONE!! Our Pain, Strain and Shame is the same. For once atleast, everyone has put off the ugly masks of races from their faces, and have stood together to serve for Pakistan, their Nation, and their People.

Coming to see... not just Pakistanis... when the whole World is there for you to help you out from trouble and difficult time... one can always hope and dream for a better future; "The Whole World as One" !! Allah knows the ways to bring us all together and to restrain from our sins. Alhumdulillah.

My " l i t t l e " Hurt ! ! !

2005-09-26T03:40:00.000+05:00

Do you know what a really fun thing to get your mom to do when you stay home from school because you are sick?
You get out all of you’re My Little Ponies from McDonalds and have her do their hair. You can have one with a braid, one with a ponytail, one with a bun, one with two braids, etc… Mom says that they all need lots of hair conditioner!

My mom thinks she knows why they call them “My Little Ponies.” It is because every single child my age is fixated on the word “mine.” Every toy in the world might sell better if they called it “My Polly Pockets” or “My Strawberry Shortcake.” The child may not even be interested in the toy itself, but rather the possession of it. “It’s mine!” is the most common sentence uttered among children, especially when in a group.
[Excerpt from Cassiopeia's Diary]

"Maybe I never Grew OLD.. I keep MY things with ME.. and its "My Little Hurt" which is dear to me, I like to play with it, give it new faces everytime. Dont take it away from me please. Its the only thing which is MINE only."

FEAR ..... or NO FEAR??

2005-09-17T00:09:00.000+05:00

Last week, i.e my first week in the University after the vacations, a Sir of one subject introduced himself, then he asked us a weird question. "Do you fear?" , more or less all of us were expecting him to ask things about us. [But now i've to agree that it was the best question he could put forward to know about us!], we started to think of the things we fear, cockroaches, mice, exams, fear of failing, future, Jin/ghosts, accidents, death... and what not!?

His next question was, “Why do we fear?”, something I never thought about! But his next statement made me think A LOT. He said, that a person who’s got even a LITTLE fear about Anything at all, is NOT A MUSLIM. I was shocked to hear that, Not EVEN a MUSLIM?? I was thinking what is my fault in it.. if I fear from flying cockroaches, BIG trucks and Mini Buses which people drive crazily? Why he is saying I am Not a Muslim?? I pray, I fear Allah, I try to avoid bad things, sins... and whatever I can!? I wanted more explanation; I wanted to know what is wrong in fearing?

He did elaborate, but left more for us to think. We’re the “Ashraf ul Makhlooqaat”, that is something that we always forget. Jins follow us Human beings, and I shouldn’t act like cockroaches anyway, i.e. seeing them and running away from them screaming, like they do [though i cant hear their screams, but I am sure they do scream by watching Giants like us! Everyone loves to Live.]… I’ve my mind instead.. And I’ve total control over them; I am “Ashraf” than them. And death…? Maybe at times I’d say that I don’t fear death… but if any Car passes by narrowly in a fast speed, I do get a shock that anything could happen. Its because we are too much involved in worldly things that we’ve forgotten the life after death, the real life. We’ve forgotten our Allah; we’ve forgotten what we are here for! This world is not for us Muslims, anyway!

".... now that you are not being, but rather a human being which knows fear all too well, can you honestly say you have moved even an inch closer to eternal peace and joy? Look from your own experience, is anyone that you know abiding constantly in deep harmonic peace? Are they even happy 85% of the time? I in form know of only one being that is happy over 85% of the time. He is my son aged 14 months. He is the most enlightened humanbeing I know.

In a few years time he will be indoctrinated to live in fear and enlightement will be hidden from him. He will no longer live in the loving embrace that is I; instead he will experience doubt, guilt, shame, anxiety and apprehension. He will become a human being and miss the divinity that is always before his. "[Abstract from “Being Human” by Aneek Saleh Mohammad]

Found this article really interesting… and it made me realize more things in my life, my Sweet neighbor Omer, of 9 months only, he’s just started to walk. Two days ago, I was enjoying watching him walk… balancing himself by his hands, taking two steps, then stopping, laughing on his achievements, then again taking two or three steps.. balancing again but falling on the floor still managing to keep himself away from harm. I was just behind him… keeping a watch on his every move.. to prevent him from falling. But I didn’t need to give him support even once, while a heart beat of my heart used to skip on every misbalance of his.. He was smiling and still trying. There was NO FEAR in his heart.. I could see it through… while maybe, I didn’t leave it on Allah completely… to take care of the lil child!? HE loves us more, and HE keeps us save from all harm. Then why cant I trust HIM only!?

“ Everything is loved unconditionally, unequivocally, eternally. God loves unconditionally. God does not care what you have done or what you are about to do. You are loved regardless of any action, any thought or any emotion, no matter how bad you imagine them to be. You cannot escape from His Love; try though you might!”

I got some of my answers, but there are more of unanswered questions in my life now, why cant we just forget everything and fear Allah, Love Allah, Trust Allah?? What’s keeping us away from these things? Fear of losing the luxuries?? Was my teacher right? Are we not even Muslims??

We’ve to think and realize it soon, before its too late.

P.S: I wanted to write lots more… but later InshaAllah :) !

A l i v e A g a i n . . . :)

2005-09-10T21:06:00.000+05:00

Hiya... I guess I am back !! What ? :P you thought I am dead.. well.. my previous posts might have given you that idea.. but luckily... by the prayers of my well wishers I am still healthy wealthy! :) [Alhumdulillah]
The good thing about blogging is that it never goes away... and you can always come back to it... so me too.. Back with a Boooooooooommmm!! [now dont ask me what this Booooommm thingy is, coz i dont know it either :P], I just know the First Rain of Karachi... in the month of Sept and year 2005, it made me ALIVE again.

I dont have much to say right now, coz like always I cannot describe my love of Rain in words.. so maybe you can just check out some Beeeee.U.T.FuLL pics of the Rain over here !! :) Have Fun!

I'll be back :P! [Stay Tuned! ]

Medical Log

2004-10-04T10:02:00.000+05:00

Day 0 : It was dont know what times I rubbed my left eye. W asked if everything is alright... my answer was YES, as I didn't know whats going to happen next....
This very day I went to My Eye Specialist Mami.. and she gave me these eye drops, "Spersanicol", to use.

Day 1: Woke up at 6:00... watching mirror is one of my fav. hobby... so there was no particular reason to be standing infront of it in the morning at 6:15. But Oh My Goodness.. :'(... left of my eye was whole swell... it was looking really weird... I had my Stats' quiz today.. but more importantly.. one of my sweeetest Friend's birthday. I was really worried, rather confused... what to do... this was for sure.. that I got "Conjectivitus" (Check the spellings for yourself). Thanks to all my friends... they all understood.. and handled it all for me. Day went fine.. just rested, the pain was bearable.

Day 2: Luckily we had the day off... Alhumdulillah... I had not to worry for the loss of studies. I kept showing my eyes to my Eye Consultant, my Mami. And she kept assuring me... that it is very much better... you should be thankful... your eyes didn't get red either.
It started raining at night. Light went off... and we were all on the roof. I sat there on a stool... at an angle only my hands and feet were getting wet. This was the first time ever in my life.. I wasn't enjoying the light shower.. I felt like now I never would. My eyes had starting hurting more.

Day 3: Everyday we get up...without even noticing.. that we're Alive.. all our body parts are safe and at their places. Alhumdulillah. But Allah do make you realize... now and then. Only if you understand. First thing I did was to touch my eyes. At their Place.. Alhumdulillah. But they felt sooo soft. Softer than a rose petal. I washed them. And dared watching in the Mirror. This time both of my eyes were swelled. Thanks God, I didn't scream.
It was raining... and I could only enjoy it watching. But thats lovely too.... just the "Tip Tip" sound... beautiful green and wet scenes, actually is a source of Peace.
Okay.. I did enjoy.. with the sunglasses [for the first time in my life] on my eyes... spent almost all my day out with my sisters.
Mami has started the antibiotic eye drops for me, called "Florom" something.. now lets see... what wonderts it does. :S ... she said... it'll get worse. :(

Day 4: Did I tell you... my eyes are allll sooooooooooo RED now , toooo much Red ouch.. it hurts now. [I always loved RED eyes.. but now Cannot even watch the mirror.] Thanks to my Friend, she told me what "Vitus" means... so now I am feeling THAT..
I rested most of the day today. That was one way to stay away from the pain, but not... coz it was hurting that way too.. I didn't know at what angle to put my head.. so that I get the rest. And dont know at what angle I sleep... that now I am having this pain in my shoulder too....:S
And did I tell... I started having Fever too... and yeah... Flu. It got cold coz of the rain.. so "cold" it is. hehehe.. maybe theres another reason to it. I used 1,2,3,4,5,6,7, 8 ice cubes... to relax my eyes. Dont know, they didn't make any difference... yet... I got a lil relaxation. And i've been wasting a WHOLE box of TISSUE PAPERS...coz my eyes are watering so much..
May Allah Help me..... Please... Pray for me. Maybe I know now what my Mami meant by saying "WORSE!"

Day 5 : I want to Cry...... I want to Jump on my toes.... I want to Sccrrrrreeeaaaammmm!!! like..." Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa OUCH!" . I was wrong. I didn't know what "Worse" means... no... I know now. WHEN YOU JUST CANT OPEN YOUR EYES.... and they HURT tooooo much... and when you feel like dying... i guess that is the "worst" condition. I wondered if I'll ever be able to open my eyes again.

The Medicine ain't doing a effect I guess.. moreover... as always and always my Mami says.. that "Its VIRAL... it'll complete its cycle... and will finish on its TIME...." and today she said this too...".. you're having a Severe one... it may continue till 10 days...." , ouch, ouch, ouch!

But Thanks a Billllllliiiiiioooooonnnnnnn to my LOVELY friends... for their prayers. Till evening, I was able to watch a lil. And here I am now.... Hmmmmm.... Cant say that I am feeling better... but... Alhumdulillah.

I just wish.... the WORST does not WORSEN.... you too... PRRRRAAYYYYY!!!!!

Signing Off.

P.S: Okay... I know my weblog now looks like a Medical History of Mine... but do you care :P?

2004-09-18T10:26:00.000+05:00

Special Treat - Guess Who I Am :D ?

Back to Glasses

2004-08-11T19:16:00.000+05:00

"OUCH"... the moment I saw a finger coming towards my eyes... I screamed. "Aaaaaaaa!!! Ah...."
"Ya Allah... you're not even letting me touch it... dont close your eyes!!" sis started to get angry.
"I am NOT closing my eyes... it hurts..." I was already fed up. I tried to get it out by myself.... and after trying for more than 10 mins, I passed this duty to my Sis. She too tried for 5 mins. My eyes were all red, and were hurting so much... not because of them, but because of US. I gave up... when I could stand no more of the burning. And I had to sleep with that thing in my Eye.... can you BELIEVE???

Contact Lenses!!! YUCK... that was just the 3rd time I wore them... and all the three times... they were to put in my eyes forcefully.. once by my Mami, then next two times by my Sis. And all the three times, I was not able to open my eyes for 5 mins. Whosoever invented those must be a really cruel person! [Astaghfurullah]

I don't find any use of them, they just always irritate.. my eyes keeps on rolling.... vision getting blur every moment and still all my family members keeps on forcing me to wear them. I never bought them, I never put them on, lol.. I still dont know how to... so how would I know how to put them off!!! Duh.

Not any More.... this thing ain't for me... though it was ME who got it out at last... after a pathetic clash of 5 mins with my eyes. I won. Eyes were dead... red with blood. I was able to see after sooooo many long seconds. hehehe.. [Alhumdulillah]

Hmmmm I should go get my Glasses now...

*Puts on her glasses**

"Btw, theres One good thing bout Contact Lenses.... err... they make the vision clearer!!" :D

Life Goes On....

2004-08-09T04:06:00.000+05:00

I thought I can count the cracks on my heart.... oh... but Maybe Not!!!

H says:
i still dont know what was wrong with me yesterday
Me says:
you're okay today?
H says:
i wasnt even in a bad mood, i was jes pissed..
H says:
yea..
H says:
im good..
Me says:
hmmmmm thats nice!
Me says:
anyways... that happens sometimes...
Me says:
and most of the times... you're unable to figure out the real cause
H says:
yeah, or u never wanna figure it out
Me says:
hehehehe... a sadistic person would do that...
Me says:
but yeah... sometimes you dont want to accept the cause you know... that seems to be too small for so much depression...
H says:
Or, maybe sometimes.. the cause is big enough.. as to have no solutions.. u know nothing is impossible.. cept for certain inevitable things that have to happen..
H says:
and then u realise.. how small life is.. and how small u r.. and everything around u is so transient..
H says:
and u finally submit that u cannot change them.. so y not make the best of it..
H says:
its not like the pain is gone.. but u just pretend its not there
H says:
and u try to smile.. in the very little space u have left ..
Me says:
hmmmmmm...
Me says:
that is one optimistic approach...
Me says:
life gets easier... anyway
H says:
well depends..
H says:
but what ever it turns out to be
Me says:
maybe... its not what Allah wants for you..
Me says:
but something Better
H says:
it is this time in our life.. that is going to decide. .what becomes of us..
Me says:
if a door get closed on you... thousand others get opened too... and everything happen for a reason, a Good reason from Allah.
H says:
ofcourse..
H says:
thats true
H says:
u do live as long as ur destined too..
H says:
so every one will survive.. eventually..
Me says:
yes!!
Me says:
and that is why Allah has given us a bad memory
Me says:
hehehe
H says:
i know.. life goes on
Me says:
its so easy and cruel of a human being to say it... but thats true

.........

2004-08-03T02:27:00.000+05:00

Khwab Aankhon main utaro tou sahi,

Dil kay halaat Sanwaro tou Sahi...

Iss qadar duur nahi hai woh bhi,

Tum dil o jaan say pukaro tou sahi!

Meri veerani pey hansnay walon,

Zindagi mujh si guzaro tou sahi..!

Dil ki kashti ko kabhi shaam dhalay

gham kay darya main utaro tou sahi!

Baad ki batain hain baqi saari,

Dard ko Dard say maro tou sahi!

Jeet say barh kay maza hai iss main,

Tum Kabhi Jeet Kay Haro Tou Sahi!!!

[By: Farhat Abbas Shah]

2004-07-29T07:44:00.000+05:00

Precious Moments - Learning Traditions