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“Hasbunallahu Wa Naimal Wakeel”
7:00 Am
I open my side of window and let the cool morning breeze rush inside the small area of the van. The day has started with its usual pace and I am on my way to the institute [after a wonderful Sahoor prepared by my Grandmother] where another usual day is awaiting.
Days are very specifically scheduled in the month of Ramadan and we spend it like any other day at University, only fully aware we're fasting and avoiding most of our usual behavior and actions [including studying]. Still till the end of the day we're tired like anything and expect people not to ask us to help with any extra chores.
I plan not to think about the deficiencies from my side but to concentrate on the blessings and wonders Allah has created [SUBHAN ALLAH], which are spread all around you in shape of beautiful nature so clean [which overcomes the man-made-pollution anyway], the everyday Miracle in form of little kids, worry free and happy, birds, trees, wind, vegetables and fruits on the cart for sale...
...reminds me of the Iftaar time in 10-11 hours to come and my only duty to make "fruit chaat" (mixed fruits nicely cut and toppled with sugar and black pepper), which no one has assigned me but I feel obligated to perform. I decide to make it with variations today in order to provide a feast for my lovely Grandmother at Iftaar, that is the least I can do for them.
I feel at peace after deciding a payback for the unnumbered favors by the caring, angel-like, always on her toes, never complaining or scolding, motherly, Grandmother, my Nani. Only in the time to come I’ll get to know that preparing a thousand meals, sahoor, iftaar can never compensate for the least she did for me.
I continue to observe around and waste my day in the usual manner.
6:15 pm
I quietly, hesitantly sit at the table which is already set for the Iftaar, containing two dishes [Three if you count dates, and four if you include the Drinks]. The third was supposed to be there but I overslept. I busy myself in praying, one of the reasons, so I don’t have to talk to my Granny. Just as she shoves a date in my hand, I feel compelled to explain…
“There were no fruits…” I start guiltily.
“Really? Just bought them yesterday!?”, she doesn’t have even slightest suspicion or complain. Never rely on your past knowledge! I tell myself and slips even lower on the chair so I may hide my guilt.
“Theres enough, Thanks to Allah.” She says really politely and I feel worse.
“You know, I couldn’t decide what to make for iftaar. There was no yoghurt and we’re short of flour. But has Allah not promised He’d provide us with food? And the “rizq” gets double in Ramadan, Alhumdulillah.” She continues while pouring me a glass of Rooh Afza drink. I know she understands and is trying to make me feel better, rather she has a point here.
We break our fasts as the Maghrib Adhan begins. I eat and I eat much from what I thought was little, and I am already full ALHUMDULILLAH.
It is Allah who “provides”, Allah who sprinkles “Barakah” in what you eat, drink, wear, do. Why I thought I could add some luxury in already luxurious Iftaar, or why I thought I’d provide my Granny with a feast while Allah has already taken care of it!?? Allah shows you He is the Owner, Creator, The Only One, Eternal One, Provider.. The Greatest and Most Merciful, and we’re No One, Really.
“See, it was just a matter of 5 minutes!” my Granny smiles.“We don’t even have to work so hard, or to worry what to eat, when it’ll all be gone so soon.” She leaves the table. I secretly admire her for her care and understanding and wonders how to Thank Allah for all His blessings, for giving me such a wonderful Granny, giving me time for realization and for granting me the most satisfactory and “Perfect Iftaar” in my lifetime.
I can never thank Him enough , “Innallaha Ala Kul’le Shaii’in Qadeer”.
Is Taudi U Kumullah.
Me: He'll be leaving soon for KSA.
T: This is sad.
T: Yay hi dastoor e zindagi hai. [This is the constitution of life]
Me: Maa baap ko akela chore daina? [Leaving your Parents Alone?]
T: Kia karein, Majboori hai. [What can we do, It is beyond our control.]
T: Har aik ko jana parta hai. [Everyone has to leave]
T: It is Life.
Something is stuck in my throat, and even after half an hour, I am not able to digest the above conversation. I've nothing to do with the person who is leaving, nor does my Aunt “T”. I don't blame her for saying all that; she was only trying to be "understanding".
And I agree, 110% this is Life. But Life what we’ve chosen... not life what it meant to be [or should've been].
This is one horrendous truth, all the bad things happen around us, to us, to our loved ones and we cannot do anything about it. We witness the bitter facts, feel the pain in our hearts, and then go on with our lives. The worse happens to you and you say: "This is life". You lose someone dear to you and you get to hear: "Life Goes On..".
I couldn't get my hands on the "Book of Life" up till now. The book which defines all the rules and regulations of life. Which tells us that "Life" is responsible for all the tragedies and disasters. The Book which makes you believe you’re unfortunate because it’s the fault of “Life”. And why should I find one? Its not written anywhere.
You accept the malice once on yourself, and you’ll be the target all your life. It is our fault we’re in such miserable situation. It is our fault if we’re not happy and it is our fault if we accept what we don’t deserve. Its not life that makes us, but we make our lives the way it is. It is our fault that we are following the non-muslim propaganda of life blindly, we're so into the worldly stuff that we've forgotten what Life actually is.
Maybe I am no one to decide who is at fault, but only if we start living the way it is supposed to be, i.e by following the Quran and Sunnah then Trust me, Life [and life hereafter] would be Better not only for you but for the people around you [INSHA ALLAH]. You won’t have to worry for the “bread and butter” but only Allah’s happiness. And Allah’s happiness is in taking care of your Parents.
May Allah give us all Hidayah, forgive our sins and grant us place in Jannat ul Firdos, Ameen.
Anyone who acts rightly, male or female, being a believer, We will give them a good life and We will recompense them according to the best of what they did. (
Fee Amanillah.
Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,
I see my sister walking towards the entrance gate at the airport. My eyes follow her till she is lost in the crowd, till I see no more of her black gown. I stand there oblivious of swarming people around me but fully aware of the feelings of the two persons by my side. They are my Parents. But I dare not look at them; I dare not interrupt their thoughts. We’ve signed a Silent contract: not to bug each other at this moment. And we understand this Quietness.
We wait. She said she’ll be back after the luggage is gone. Moments pass by slowly. Really Slowly. I try to indulge my mother into talking to me, but after a few replies she is quiet again. She looks tired.
Father is in deep thoughts himself. I am thinking of the topic that’ll interest him the most. I come up with the different technologies used at the Airport, the flight announcement boards [Or whatever that is called!?] for instance. But for the first time in life, he’s got shortest and précised answers to all my questions.
Words are not helping. I was never good at words anyway. Time passes in a very upsetting way, while we play with our thoughts and stand there unsure of the future. My sister returns after ages [at least that’s what it feels like]. I want to hug her, I want her to stay. I want to talk to her, standing there and then, all night! But she has more important matters at hand.
Isn’t it good? Keep yourself busy so you’ve less time to think about what hurts. I don’t know why your loved ones have to leave you. Why do you have to go through these severely painful moments of Separation? If this is just some stupid rule of life, then I don’t like it.
There she goes again. This time she won’t be returning. My father takes the lead towards the Parking Lot, but my mother is hesitant. She wants to call my sis to make sure she won’t be coming out again OR to make her realize she already misses her?
I take my mother’s hand in my hand. Hold it tight. I want her to understand she is not alone. As we drag ourselves towards the
While I hold hands with my parents, I know I share a strong bond with them. We share each others’ lives. For an obvious reason, our happiness and sorrows are the same. I never thought I’ll be the last one to go, but for some strange reason, I am enjoying it. I have full attention of my parents now, just as I used to imagine when I was a kid. I tighten the grip on my parents’ hand, so they don’t let go.
I deliberately take small steps; I want to last it longer. The breeze seems to synchronize with our walk, making the surroundings soothing. The time has stopped, or am I imagining it? I no longer can hear the noises around me, but only the peace entering my soul. Everything seems to honor this moment, as it observes silently. It feels like the most appropriate thing happening around, and I love every millisecond of it.
I keep my eyes at the three shadows in front of us, thinking it’s the most beautiful chain of shadows I’ve ever seen. No one can ever break it, because it’s not physical anyway. Love resides in just every part of our souls; the “touch” only connects the hearts!
For once, we don’t need words. We’ve agreed to Allah’s will, and treasure what we’re left with.
The walk lasts five minutes. Five minutes of pure bliss and satisfaction. I eventually let go of my parents hands, sure of one thing:
Our bond is stronger than anything, it doesn’t need words to communicate each others’ feelings, to comfort each other and I know we’ll be there for each other no matter what; after all, We’re Family! [ALHUMDULILLAH]
Is Taudi’u Kum’Ullah.
Live through your Subject - "Probability" Part I
21:13 - Tuesday, Sept. 28, 2004Set: Library
Time: 11:00 am
Scene I :'R: " If theres a group of 9 members, out of which 3 are geniuses, what is the probability of a member getting the right answer in first try. B) Probability of another member getting the solution in 2nd try? C)Whats the probability of "H" out of those nine getting the answer not even in the third trial ?? " :P
Kay: " Hmmmm we can change the names event-ually..? *-) "
Me: " Conditions apply... if 'N can get the answer... "H" certainly will. :P .. hey why only US!! :@ "
'N: " Whats the probability of 'H not being from the 3 geinuses. Equally likely chances x:o)!"
Me: " Exactly, like there was a probability 1/38 of the presence of 'a horse' in our class yesterday! "
Kay: " Hehehe, That voice was wonderful...! "
'R: " Truly Professional."
'H: " Can someone do it? "
'I (drowned deep in an example ): " Oh thats Simple! "
All Together: " NIKALO!!! " :D
'I: "The Tree Diagram... "
We all BURST into LAUGHTER!!!
[Page from M'Diary]
Why does this happen?? I've seriously tried all the techniques, from "Almonds" to "Dimagheen", but MATHS seems new to me everytime I dare look at it. Is it Maths or ME, I dont know. But I certainly know now, the more you run away from a thing, the more it gets to you.
Solution lies in the above "scene". You've to indulge yourself in the subject, you've to learn it for the sake of getting knowledge, and not for the sake of just Learning. Never take your subject as burden, but fun [Though I wonder if theres ANY fun at all in Mathematics].
I dont know how successful my Teacher was in teaching us Statistics or Mathematics, but he sure succeeded in endowing us the ability to live through the subject, to treasure it. Now when I open the book I'll be knowing the probability of me understanding the subject, because its part of our lives.
Assalaamu Alaikum, Wa Rahmatullahi, Wa Barakatuhu .. Fee Amanillah.
Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah,
Sometimes you come across the most weirdest situations in life which you never expected, but then they're called Experiences.
With each new Experience you get to know a new face of the Life, and uglier it becomes.
I now know why they say to Listen to your elders or to learn from others' mistakes, because experiencing everything yourself is not always cheerful!
And then you have to make decisions about things you dont even wanna think about. Theres no way out because your loved ones who promised to support you, who spoiled you to the last limit, made themselves indispensable for you will NOT always be there.
There'd be times when you so want to be understood without making any effort yourself, without having the trouble to say what you want, but they wont understand. And yet again You'll be the one on Verge!
Its YOUR Life, and Others are Least Concerned about it.
There'd be things you are not happy about but you'll welcome them. There'd be things you'll accept because others want you to accept. There'd be things you'll do because others "Expect" you to do and you do that to keep them happy.
I've learned to "LET GO" of things I want, my mother told me , its called "Compromise".
But what if I dont want to experience this all, what if I dont want to make decisions, what if I dont wanna LET GO ???
Cant we just change the LIFE ?????
May Allah have His Mercy on Us, and help us throughout our lives, May Allah make it easy for Us to live and die the way He wants. Ameen.
Fee Amanillah.
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